Zombies

So, I arrived in Washington D.C. and rode the metro to the uber-sweet Quality Inn Iwo Jima. Yeah, I could have stayed at the Hilton like just about everyone else at the conference, but free internet and 100 dollars less a night won out.

But the hotel was not the craziest thing about D.C. It's the Zombies, man! Seriously, ride on the metro for just a few minutes, and you'll easily see your first score of them. Sometimes, they hang from rails attached to the ceiling, some of them just sat there, trying not to make eye contact at all costs.

I even went over to one of them and kicked him in the junk, but he just averted his eyes to another part of the train car. Wicked!

At first, I was kind of scared. I mean, after seeing movies like Shaun of the Dead, you get the impression that Zombies are out to get you, eat your jibblies, and generally just cause havoc, but this is SOOOO not the case! One of these days, I'm going to start a lobby for reversing the Zombie image. They're absolutely harmless. You can even kick them in the junk. Next, time you're there, you should give it a try! (1)

How can you spot a Zombie?

1. Get on the metro. Easiest way to spot them in the world. In fact, I'm beginning to think that the metro may be the preferred mode of travel for Zombies.
2. Try starting a conversation with one. Take this doosy of an example:

   Me: So, how's it going?
   Metro Zombie: *groaning noises*
   Me: Mind if I kick you in the junk?
   Metro Zombie: *groaning noises*
   

   The amount of fun you can have with a Zombie is endless!(1)

3. Look for an iPod. Zombies love iPods, but I wonder what they are listening to sometimes... Possibly groaning noises with a Hindu background. Some zombies were nice enough to turn Jay Z up loud enough for the whole train car to hear though. What was really neat was how none of the other zombies seemed to notice!
4. Look for the people who keep drifting in and out of sleep. Sometimes, they miss their stops and make grumbling noises. Silly zombies. You can sleep when you're dead... or can you?

1. DISCLAIMER: I in no way give you any permission to do this. Think of the Zombies, man! By "it", I really meant riding the metro and staring at the Zombies until they look at you. Believe it or not, it's harder to get a Zombie to look at you than you think. I'd suggest a bull horn.